Monday, November 21, 2016

Knot so fast



There is a knot in my stomach
There is a knot in my stomach the doctor says is purely psychological
She and I both agree that she can feel the knot in my stomach that she says is not there
She says,"Pain, like light, is both wave and particle"

"Ah, it's pain and not a knot I gather"
She says," It really is a hairball-like thing made of stuff and memories"
"Seriously???
Memories??? In my stomach????"

"Yes, seriously," she says
She says,"With each passing day more sediment, okay, sentiment, attaches itself to it
Like a slowly moving something in a bog where nothing goes nowhere fast
With time it has developed an identity, an aura, a carbon footprint all its own"

Now that's stretching it I think and laugh and my doctor laughs with me
"Here," she says, "this will help you sleep and forget for a while about the naughty knot
It'll put some psychological distance between the pair of you, you've become unhealthily paired
And this here will ease the pain by freezing the shared memories between you and that knot

Layer by gross stinky organic layer you will dissolve the knot she says
Photon upon photon upon photon it will leave your body each day
Some nights it'll keep you awake, and some days you'll sleep like a baby
There's no telling what that scar tissue will do to you"

"Scar tissue? Why didn't you say so before?"
"Well, it's complicated you see, not quite tissue, but it has come from a scarring of the senses
Perhaps the sensibilities, probably both, so work with it, work it, until it is raw and supple and painful
I mean, healing, birthing wholesomeness, restoring proper function, and you be the doula"

"How long is that going to take?" I ask
"Nobody knows," she says. "Like babies, wholesomeness arrives on its own schedule
You keep the baby and ditch the placenta and the umbilical"
"And the bathwater," I ask, facetiously

                       
                                                                                                                  ~ Sonali.